Happy middle of March, friends!
February and this first half of March seemed to pass by in a blur. We had some gorgeous sunny days in between snow and last week we even had a snow day with 24 inches of snow that fell overnight. I haven’t seen that much snow since my childhood and I certainly soaked up having a day off. This week is Spring Break for us and it feels amazing!
As I was getting ready this weekend, I was struck by the date. This time last year I was recovering from what I suspect was COVID and had been out sick for weeks. After recovering from being sick, we ended up closing school because of the Pandemic. It’s hard to believe that a whole year ago, things were looking completely uncertain. I am amazed at how much can change in 12 months. In all honesty, I’m not sure I would recognize the person I was just a year ago.
Over the past year, I’ve certainly become more comfortable with who I am as a person, more willing to stand up for myself, rest in faith, and advocate for others. While there have been many ups and downs, I’ve started to recognize my own strength while battling anxiety and resting in the friendship of family and friends, as well as resting in the grace of God. I’ve appreciated the time to grow, listen, and learn, and shift my focus to making sure I make changes in my life. I’ve also learned to be okay with not being okay. As goofy as it sounds, I’ve needed time to just be frustrated/angry/annoyed/upset. Experiencing the range of emotions has been more cathartic than I had anticipated.
In some ways, this March feels like a brand new year. March of 2020 was the closing of a chapter of life pre-COVID and the beginning of a brand new chapter of a great deal more isolation. I had to learn to be okay with myself as I think many of us have had to do. Going from a fairly hectic schedule to virtually nothing was a bit of a shock. I actually remember filming a day in the life Instagram Story Series that I never ended up posting and I honestly have no idea how I managed to take care of myself with how constantly I was on the go. I had filmed a day where I had multiple meetings back to back, plus teaching, plus mentoring, district committee meetings, grad school work…the list goes on. I remember saying in my video “it’s been a pretty normal day”. Good grief. I wish I could go back and tell that person that the way I was living my life was just not healthy. The Pandemic has shaken me to realize I don’t need to fill my life with extra commitments; I need to fill my life with people.
I think back on so many of the conversations I shared with friends and family over this year, about the range in emotions we were all sharing; this grappling of reality that I don’t think we ever really grasped. The lack of connection was probably the toughest.
Over a month ago, I got my first COVID Vaccine and while I sat in the parking lot for 30 minutes as the group of us sat in our cars to see if anyone had a reaction to the shot, I was emotional. It felt like the light at the end of a very long tunnel. Who knew getting a shot could be so emotionally triggering? As of two weeks ago, I am officially vaccinated-woohoo! I’ve also been grateful that Colorado has rolled out vaccines so quickly which makes it feel more of a reality that we will be able to see friends and family soon.
This year has brought many other changes. Getting engaged and riding the roller coaster high of engagement followed by the bittersweet feelings of not being able to celebrate with so many people in person has been a challenge. While we’ve been preparing for our wedding, we’ve also been grappling with the reality of having to limit the guest list and make changes to our day. I keep having to remind myself that it’s just a day, and the wedding is the symbolic start to something bigger: our marriage.
In January, Ryan moved into our new apartment which has been one of the best things to have happened! I’ve been loving decorating the place little by little. I’ll be moving in after we get married when my lease is up on my current apartment. It’s been a humbling process to combine our lives together and I’m so excited for this next chapter. I haven’t been sharing much about this apartment right at the moment on Instagram as I am still in limbo between my current apartment where I am living and working each day. I’m excited to share more as it comes along!
Since last November, I’ve felt less and less inclined to post on social media or even interact with it. This has been a pretty big game-changer in my mental health, and I’ve noticed that by turning off notifications and focusing more on what is going on around me, I’ve realized just how much I’ve needed this break. Over the past few years, I’ve become way too obsessed with Instagram and posting the perfectly aesthetically feed. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve allowed social media to control more of my actions than I may have realized and this year has certainly opened my eyes to how unhelpful (dare I say, destructive?) that has been for me personally. I’ve been trying to figure out how to use social media as a platform while also being okay with just being me and not spending time on social media. I think it boils down to this: Am I living my life in a way that helps others? Or am I so consumed by what was being posted that I missed out? Quite honestly, I don’t want to be known as someone who was present on social media.
Now that I’ve taken a step back from Social Media, I can honestly say I have spent less money. Uff da. That seems like a big statement, but it has been so true, and my bank account proves that. I’ve been less worried about comparing myself to others, I’ve spent more money supporting small businesses, and I’ve only bought things that have truly sparked joy. Most of my shopping list items now include trips to the bookstore and needlepoint canvases. I can’t tell you how happy those two purchases make me and I could honestly cry with relief with how life-saving those activities have been in the last year.
I’ve also been so appreciative of Virtually Best Friends Podcast. It has been a joy to create something completely original with Cierra and connect with incredibly talented people from around the country. I’ve been grateful for a place to connect with others and just be myself. I hope you’ll take a listen if you haven’t already!
While it’s been a rough year, to say the least, there have been so many good things to come about. I’ve been so excited to discover more of who I am, let go of the things that were causing anxiety and pain, and focus on others around me. I’m discovering all in all that it really doesn’t take much to find happiness. You don’t need racks of the chicest clothing or over 1000 likes on Instagram to find that happiness. That deep-seated, rich glow of peace comes from everything but the material objects. Instead, it comes from faith, and the joy found in serving others through outreach, conversation, and connection.
While we hit this one-year mark of the pandemic, I can’t help but look back. But I also can’t help but look ahead. We’re heading into a new chapter, and it’s going to be up to us to decide what to bring with us as things begin to go back to normal. What are the big lessons and values you are taking with you into this next year?
Leave a Reply